KATisms.

this is where i usually vent out everything that is on my mind, that’s the purpose of this blog. to tell you honestly,this is the only time i thought twice whether to share this out here or not.primarily becuase this is very personal, and im scared with letting everybody see a vulnerable part of me through this.

two days ago,my sister got mugged by two unmasked men.they took everything,leaving my sister with only a set of keys on her pocket, and a traumatic experience only God knows when she’ll be able to overcome.I’m not the victim here.I won’t be able to describe everything that happened to my sister.i will never ever know the exact feeling of those dreadful moments of her.

The moment someone knocked on our door and told me about what happened and the moment i saw my sister crying helplessly just right about outside our place- that was the most traumatic experience for me.my sister has been the strongest, not just among my siblings,but for my whole family as well.and to remember how i heard her cry while i was rushing downstairs and how i saw her breaks me into little more pieces. That’s what scared me the most- how weak i was during that time,and even as a person.I am experiencing a throbbing migraine from all the thinking i’ve had for the past few days.there’s a lot of what ifs in my mind.’til now,despite my friends telling me otherwise,i still blame myslef for what have happened.i should have forced myself to get up early that morning.i should have gotten up immediately as soon as she was done taking a bath so she could have waited for me.i should have forced her to wait for me so that we could have gone to work together.i should have been there with her so those heartless men didnt have the chance.i should have been there so i could have protected her.i know it sounds bad,but blaming myself didnt make the situation any easier.i desperately wanted answers.i wanted so bad to make these instances go back so that i could have prevented it.to make things worse,the fact that no physical harm was done to my sister and she was safe didn’t sink in to me just yet.at that moment,my belief in everything happens for a reason didnt matter anymore.

but it was a wake up call.she could have been hurt,shot,or even worse,kidnapped if my sister was weak at that moment.but no,nothing bad happened to her.she was there when i ran downstairs immediately after finding out what happened.she could have been taken away by those men,but she was there.she’s still with us.i found a small amount of relief.they could have gotten thousands of money,all the personal belongings that she had,but she’s safe.if something happened to her,then i won’t probably be here telling you this.i will never ever have found any courage to become strong for my family if she’s not with us today.

i’m not the victim here.i have no intention of making this an exaggerated story,because after all,it’s not my story to tell.i am blogging this to remind myself that i will be a stronger version of me from now on.there’s a reason why i wasn’t there,and why i am feeling this fear now.it’s still a struggle especially now that it’s still fresh.but i know and i am grateful for the people dearest to me who are also being strong for me and helping me become a better me.i would wish that if ever you get to read this would include me and my family in your prayers. it’s a little selfish i know.but i’m not actually wishing we get everything that was taken from my sister back,nor find out and put down the one who is behind this.but the feeling of relief that everything will go back to normal.i know my family will get pass though this,in time. i know we will,especially my sister.when that time comes,i won’t have to live my life in fear.